Financial Planning for 2 Generations  – A Journey from Financial Stress to Financial Freedom !!!

Special Families have a daunting task of planning finances for 2 Generations. The fact of the matter is most special parents are running after various therapies and they may not be able to give enough attention to long-term as well as goal-based financial planning.

In the early days after Shlok’s birth (that was way back in 2009 J), I recollect in a book namely Uncommon Fathers, a special father, Lloyd Robertson wrote that parents are likely to feel anger and sadness after receiving diagnosis of a special child. The feeling of anger is perhaps due to insecurity borne out of thought of caring for the special child whose care is very expensive, and who is likely to outlive his or her parents. In the early years I had spent countless nights worrying about future (finances). As author Vinayak Sapre mentions his book “Dohanomics”, in a way I was relating to Rahimdas’s couplet (Doha);

   Kharach Badhyo Udyam Ghatyo, Nripati Nithur Mann Kin

   Kahu Rahim Kaise Jiye, Thode Jal Ki Meen

Over the years, as I started reading various authors ranging from Warren Buffet to Morgan Housel, I started realizing that Incremental Savings channeled to long-term investments can help us realize our financial security through compounding of wealth …of course slowly and steadily …without taking undue risks or rather calibrated risks along the way.

In his book, “The Psychology of Money”, Morgan Housel delves into the behavioral and psychological aspects of money management, highlighting the role of emotions, biases, and long-term thinking in financial success. One should go through the entire book and its 20 psychological lessons.  

I found its fourth chapter about compounding very intriguing. Everybody who is into investing has heard of Warren Buffett and how phenomenal of an investor he is. But very few people know that he has been investing for almost 75 years. His secret to success is time. Buffett is not the greatest when measured by average annual returns. Jim Simons, head of hedge fund Renaissance Technologies, has compounded money at 66% annually since 1988; whereas Buffett is at hardly a third at 22% CAGR. Simon’s net worth was close to $21 billion when Warren’s was close to $85 Billion. Why the difference? Because Jim Simons didn’t have as many years to accumulate the wealth as Warrant Buffet did. Bottom-line, start early – save more – invest wisely and keep doing it over very long times J

Here is small check-list that special parents can look at as broader markers in their respective journeys -

• Incremental Savings realized through monthly budget etc.
• Buying Term-Life Insurance and Family Health Cover
• SIPs in Large Cap/ Multi Cap MFs for conservative investors. Mid-Cap/Small-Cap MFs either through SIP or periodic investments (Only if investor has longer horizon for investments).
• Applying for UDID card and getting aware about various govt. schemes including Tax benefits etc.
• Pursuing Careers by Mothers – At the very least, Part-time/free-lance etc. + Exploring opportunities for supplementary incomes
• Asset Allocation – It could be DIY or  with help of an RIA ( SEBI Registered Investment Advisor) for goal-based financial planning
• Taking small exposure to select few stocks where the investor have working experience or domain knowledge ( Only  with long-term view and willingness for disciplined ongoing study/tracking )
• Estate Planning through Will & Trust

Caution- One of the crucial things that tend to be ignored in special families is maintaining enough liquidity for near-term needs/ emergencies. For special families, keeping funds worth of 8-12 months' house-hold expenses is very important.

As author Vinayak Sapre mentions his book “Dohanomics”, our ultimate goal is to reach financial freedom. That is in a way embodied in Kabir’s couplet (Doha)- 

     Chaah Miti Chinta Miti, Manwa Beparwah

     Jisko Kuchh nahi Chahiye, Woh Asli Shahanshah

In the same spirit, cultivating savings habit within family (including kids), Asset allocation & long-term Investment mind-set would go a long way in addressing financial needs of 2 generations…at least that’s the pursuit 😀

Don’t Forget to check out my blog article featured for IDPD last year; exactly an year ago on 10th Dec 2022- "Pursuit of Happiness (& Profits too !!!) 

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Sachin Jakhotia, Bavdhan, Pune (India)

Sachin is a proud special father of a 14-yr bright youngster, Shlok. He is an active investor is capital markets and pays close attention to asset allocation and financial planning. He is also NISM-certified Financial Planner.

For Comments & Suggestion, Please Contact - Sachin Jakhotia /C.+91 83088 79900/ shlok.ability@gmail.com

You can find me at:

Blog: https://shlokabiity.blogspot.com/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/sachin.jakhotia

Linked-in: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sachin-jakhotia-4602711/

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/shlokability_downsyndrome

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This post is a part of “International Day of Persons with Disability” blog hop hosted by Sakshi Varma – Tripleamommy. #IDPD2023Bloghop. Access all posts of this bloghop at Championing Diversity, Uniting Voices:Commemorating IDPD Together

Pursuit of Happiness (& Profits too !!!)

Just few days back, I read Sakshi Varma’s blog where she addressed the need to talk about inclusion (https://tripleamommy.com/2022/12/02/idpd2022-lets-make-this-world-a-more-inclusive-space/).

It’s mind-boggling to know that about 15% of the world’s population lives with a disability of some kind; that’s staggering 1 billion people!!! Surely they can’t be ignored…She argues further that inclusion and acceptance are important because it’s right thing to do. I couldn’t agree more. But in my personal experience, inclusion and acceptance is GOOD; not just for the specific individual but for everyone in the given ecosystem. Of course, every person and every situation is different, but by and large, inclusion and diversity should be way of life…at the very least that’s what we should learn from NATURE….

Couple of years ago, I had penned down an article on what has SHLOK meant to me. Shlok is my 13-yr son with Down's Syndrome who has changed my world for good. Shlok has surely expanded my world-view with –Sense of purpose, Hope, Love, Objectivity and most importantly, Kindness (https://shlokabiity.blogspot.com/2020/03/what-does-shlok-mean-to-me.html). When I pondered more, I realized, those are all in-tangible aspects and that’s all great. But in reality, Shlok has also helped me make more money in financial world :)

Parenting and investing are very similar in many ways. Most of the things we do fall somewhere in the spectrum between extremes of self-less love and selfish love …and where we choose to stay/progress on this spectrum decides how good parents or investors we can be; of course in long run :)…Let’s look at some quotes by the investing greats like Rakesh Jhunjhunwala, Charlie Munger, Warran Buffet and read it in the context of parenting instead of investing…

• “Respect the market (read as parenthood). Have an open mind. Know what to stake. Know when to take a loss. Be responsible.”
• The big money (or Prize) is not in the buying and selling ....but in the waitinng.
• The most important quality for an investor is temperament, not intellect

 

Some time back I was reading Jack Schwager’s best-selling book – “The Market Wizard’s: Interviews with Top Traders”. In the same book, Dr Van Tharp mentioned about 5 psychological factors that decide success in trading/investment – a well-rounded personal life, a positive attitude, lack of conflict, responsibility for the results and finally, the motivation to make money ( read as bring positive impact in child’s life! ). I believe all these factors are very much relevant for parenting as well…Actually, my investment journey in financial world had started few years after Shlok’s birth and that’s why I can look back over last 10 years and relate how caring for Shlok has made me a better investor. Here are 4Ps of my investment journey...

It’s a Process…Duh – like in parenting, there are NO short-cuts .. One has to devise a system / process that suits oneself and stick to it. With Shlok, we learnt to inculcate positive habits in his routine and that seems to yield fantastic results in his behaviour. Another interesting situation I have experienced recently. We have been trying to train him with riding a bicycle for past so many years. Of course he was doing it with side support-wheels; but never achieved balance to do it independently. Couple of months ago at a Down’s syndrome conference in Raipur,  I got trained myself with the process to train him. Since then, I followed the process for 30 mins every day. To our surprise, Shlok can ride bicycle now…hurray… Same way, I have started monthly review of all my investments for last few years consistently which has helped me get fantastic results with my portfolio.

Planning: As Ben Franklin said rightly – “if you fail to plan, you are planning to fail. It is the most important aspect in anything we pursue. After Shlok’s birth, I was clueless on what and how I am going to manage this special child. I was absolutely anxious / stressed out for first year… But after that I started to gather more information from various sources and planning my next moves carefully. “Returning to India” was first step in the journey I had envisioned for my family. After staying at my native place for couple of years and experiencing difficulties in getting special educators, we decided to move to Pune ….So every few years, we had to review our plan and make the course correction as well… Same applies in investing and that’s called periodic re-balancing!!!

Patience: Not that all is rosy and nice. With Down syndrome’s happy faces comes its share of challenges. By nature, most of the Down syndrome kids are obstinate. At times Shlok becomes impulsive and difficult to manage. At times we feel very frustrated...  Sameway, market is NOT easy to manage. As traders, any strategy could have only 30-40% success rate. We have to be patient when we get failures…We have to maintain our emotional balance. At times, learn to say- “it’s ok” and move on… No wonder Buffet say – “Stock market is a device for transferring money from the impatient to patient”.

Priorities: I have always been a positional trader. Recently I have done a course in "Futures & Options" so as to learn hedging my positions. The instructor stressed that the first and foremost priority as a trader is NOT to chase the profit but to minimize the losses and survive in the markets for long-term. Parental Burnouts and Trading Fatigue are quite common these days. Survivorship for long-term takes precedence over quick profits in markets. That's why it is worth to have ways to make our journey enjoyable... I have experienced this with my kids that their growth happens in due course as long as, being a parent I avoid being too harsh/overly disciplining etc and rather create fun environment... For instance, we have started ‘family-time” for 15-20 minutes post-dinner since last one year playing games, puzzles etc. This has created a fun environment and each one of us looks forward to the family time now…

Anyway kids’ life is full of struggles in the hyper-competitive world around us...As parents, our job is to develop “continuous learning” and “smell the roses” mind-set along the way and also develop healthy attitudes towards any “special”/"different" individuals in our ecosystems ( in a way, let's make our world a tad more inclusive!)….I guess, for me that's the way leading to pursuit of happiness (and perhaps profits too!!!)

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For Comments & Suggestion, Please Contact - Sachin Jakhotia /C.+91 83088 79900/ sachinjakhotia@gmail.com

You can find me at:

Blog: https://shlokabiity.blogspot.com/2022/

FB: https://www.facebook.com/sachin.jakhotia

Linked-in: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sachin-jakhotia-4602711/

Instagram: http://www.instagram.com/shlokability_downsyndrome

*** This post is a part of “International Day of Disabled Persons” blog hop hosted by Sakshi Varma – Tripleamommy in collaboration with Bookosmia. #IDPD2022Bloghop. 

*** Access all posts of this bloghop at https://tripleamommy.com/2022/12/02/idpd2022-lets-make-this-world-a-more-inclusive-space/

Pay It Forward

21^st March is celebrated as World Down’s Syndrome Day.  It is quite subtle to understand why it is celebrated on 21^st March - The 21st day of March (the 3rd month of the year) signifies the uniqueness of the triplication (trisomy) of the 21st chromosome which causes Down’s syndrome…No wonder this is the time of the year I get plethora of thoughts rambling in my mind…

This march marks 10 years of our “Return to India (R2I)” from Houston, USA…One of the reasons for our return was a Shlok’s diagnosis as borderline (?) Down’s syndrome. Back then, we had few of our friends questioning our decision about R2I considering there is better social acceptance and educational infrastructure for special children back in USA. Since Shlok did not have any acute health condition and with better family support in India, our hypothesis of India being preferred place for Shlok’s upbringing has turned out correct …at least so far so good J

It is quite interesting journey and very encouraging to see how the overall ecosystem for PwDs (Persons with Disabilities) has been evolving in India. While deciding about R2I, we had searched online for the support system available in India for Down’s syndrome. Dr. Chopade from Nasik and Dr. Rekha Ramchandran from Chennai were couple of people who had helped us with good support in those early days. Since then, we as families of special individuals have come a long way and it is very encouraging to see growing awareness within community. Thanks to special educators, NGO & special families, who have been contributing positively with helping parents to accept the diagnosis. The eco-system is creating enabling environment wherein parents could help their kids reach their fullest potential – whatever it could be!!!

There are many Trusts & NGOs in Pune as well as other parts of the country such as Down Syndrome Federation of India (DSFI), Down’s Syndrome Care Association (Nasik), Prism Foundation (Pune), Nayi Disha (Prachi Deo, Hyderabad), Support All-Abled Differently (Sunita Lele, SaaD-Pune), SwaSaksham (Dr. Nina Vaidya) and so on. All these organizations along with various parent support groups (at least in metro cities!) have been doing commendable work and enriching the overall support network for special families.

Back in 2013, I had met Mr. Subhash ji Chuttar in Pune who has successfully employed more than 40 mentally-challenged individuals in his factory which manufactures automobile pressed components. Subhash ji got this idea because of his son, Ajay (who has Down ’s syndrome). He noticed Ajay could recall telephone numbers, dates and such records very swiftly. This sheer skill guided Ajay to work successfully as Quality Manager at the factory. Subhash ji took enormous efforts to train entire team. It was very inspiring to see the deep compassion he holds for PwDs (person with disabilities) and then lead the way for other industries to follow. He said, “The biggest advantage of mentally challenged people is that they are extremely disciplined, focused and not easily distracted. They are so motivated that they want to work on holidays too”. Corporates are slowly realizing that PwDs tends to stay longer in their companies due to deep sense of loyalty. It is very heartening to see a social change of better awareness and acceptance in bigger companies. Some corporates like Lemon Tree hotels has taken initiative to hire PwD  in their work-force which turned out to be a win-win scenario for all.  (https://meaningful.business/how-indias-lemon-tree-hotels-has-embraced-disability-inclusion-to-tackle-the-challenges-of-recruitment-and-retention-in-the-hospitality-sector/).

Recently, I have come across a wonderful person, Ms. Dipttie Acherya. She owns a garment factory where 5 PwDs are working equally hard along with other 16 team members. Dipttie is a fashion designer and manufactures kids-wear with a brand name, Rose Couture.  It takes immense commitment and patience to work with special individuals. When I asked her, “Generally things are super-competitive in business world, especially for small businesses, why did she choose to go out of way to hire special individuals?” Her immediate reply was, “I always wanted to build an organization with purpose along with numbers. As a fashion designer at heart- as a creative soul, she strives to bring her creativity to life and definitely make profits but at the same time giving back to society as a responsibility is the utmost important value that she likes her organization to lead by.

The next thing she mentioned was just amazing – “If I sensitize my 20 people, they will in turn sensitize 20 more and this is the chain I want to build. I take pride is saying that it is not about giving opportunity to these candidates (PwDs); for me, it is completely opposite. To give my team an opportunity to understand how you got to be emotionally sensitive and appreciate how blessed we (normal people) are!  Now having these team-members have completely changed entire team’s outlook to life. I don’t have complaining kind of environment around me. Today my team is more compassionate and feels gratitude in small things; specially, for their physical & mental capabilities”.

Diptiie suggested talking to some of her team-members and hearing first-hand account of experiences. I spoke with 3 ladies in her group and they shared openly that in the beginning it was bit difficult to communicate with these individuals (3 Hearing-impaired and 2 Down’s syndrome); but slowly they figured out how to work with them. It surely took few months; but now, these individuals light up the environment with their positivity and genuine happiness. One of the team-member, Ms. Mayuri mentioned, earlier she always feared how to handle any new person who is “not normal” in some way. But now she takes efforts and initiative to understand such individuals outside of work environment as well. Finally, Dipttie said her organization is striving to build a better tomorrow in small way and it is quite evident from her equally-spirited team too...

I remember Kevin Spacey & Helen Hunt starrer hollywood movie – “Pay it Forward”. They movie had social drama in the plot. Movie begins with a 7th grader (Haley Joel Osment) in Las Vegas. His social studies teacher assigns the class to put into action a plan that will change the world for the better. This high-school kid calls his plan "pay it forward", which means the recipient of a favour does a favour for three others rather than paying it back…

So as a society or at the very least, in the eco-system of special families, should we also resolve contributing to Building a Better Tomorrow; in some little way; by PAYING IT FORWARD …

Note:- Shlok met his role-model, Ajay Chuttar who handles data entry and admin work  at Diptiie’s office. Ajay and Shlok, both felicitated Ms. Diptiie Acherya for promoting Diversity & Inclusion at the workplace – a really great way to celebrate World Down’s Syndrome Day!!!

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Sachin Jakhotia, Bavdhan, Pune (India)

I would love to hear your comments and suggestions. Please contact on 8308879900 / shlok.ability@gmail.com. Also visit my blogspot to read more articles on https://shlokabiity.blogspot.com

Contact Details for Diptiie Acherya –

Address:-Bavdhan, Pune (India)

Website:- https://www.rosecouturekidz.com

Email:- info@rosecouturekidz.com

Matru Devo Bhava: A Maa’s Role in Shaping Special Child’s Life!!!

In Indian culture, a mother has been revered as first and foremost GURU in one’s life. It is absolutely crucial how this potter shapes the child in early days of a child. But perhaps it is more so for a special child…

Just few days back I got a call and WhatsApp message from Nayi Disha that they are planning to compile a unique video capturing expression of various parents for following set of questions – 

• Remember the first time your saw your child

• Think about the first time you heard them laugh

• Recall the first time they called you Ma or Pa

• Look at them and think about what they mean to you

• Think about your favorite memory with them

When I was talking about this message with Shlok’s mom, two things happened. Sheetal was already off to her vivid memory lane thinking about those situations a decade back when Shlok was born in USA. On the other hand, I was able to remember the factual/medical aspects but hardly could recollect emotional cues. Perhaps it’s a guy thing.😊 Jokes apart, we went on to make a video clip capturing Sheetal’s expressions for those memories and now the video clip itself has become a nice memory for the times to come… ( here is the link for Nayi Disha’s compiled video!!!)

I was stunned to read about a recent study on Boston University’s website which mentioned that mothers of special individuals had levels of stress hormones comparable to soldiers in combat. Finances are often a source of stress as well. Usually the mother, sacrifices her career to attend to the child’s needs. The emotional impact is enormous and may include:

• Fear and worry about:

• The child’s pain and suffering

• The child’s future

• The question of whether you are doing enough or doing the right things to help the child

• Guilt over:

• The limits of your ability to protect the child

• The loss of attention toward other children, spouse, and aging parents

• Your jealousy and resentment of those with “normal” children

• Feelings of isolation because you:

• Miss out on many family-oriented activities because of child’s disability prevents her/him from successfully participating

• Encounter criticism and judgment of your parenting from others who don’t understand your child’s disability

• Feel like an outsider around parents of typically developing children

• Grief over:

• The loss of hopes and dreams you had for the child

• Not having the parenting experience you’d imagined

• Recurrent reminders of what your child misses out on leading to chronic sorrow

I often mention that we were lucky to have Shlok born is USA as we could get benefit of home-based early intervention as well as more practical approach to handling a special child. But more importantly, Sheetal has always stood strong and tall for Shlok for most part.. Unlike me, she is doer rather than a thinker! Her approach is simple. Just do what requires to be done and enjoy life!!! Another interesting aspect is Shlok learns by doing things by hand (I guess, kinesthetic mode is predominant for down’s syndrome kids). Another important aspect is Shlok does relatively well-behaved if he has a set routine. So she keeps herself occupied with various activities for Shlok and try to maintain orderly daily routine for him. There has been interesting incidence lately that shows power of forming good habits. During Covid-19, we had to train him to use mask and Amsarveda Mouth Sanitizer just for 2-3 weeks. He likes the bitter-sweet taste of turmeric-licorice spray. Now at times we forget, but he would always remind us to do follow the regimen!!!

As Sheetal puts it rightly, every special child is different, and every family’s circumstances are different. So, one solution that fits all is surely not possible. But she made sure NOT to pamper Shlok out of undue sympathy and treated him more so like a normal child. Yet she has been meticulous to maintain good habits with healthy food, good sleep, and personal care. She makes sure that Shlok can explore things on his own and not to get into the trap of being overly instructive to him.

Parents of children with special needs are often exhausted and frequently become depressed. To be sustained through the marathon of caring for a child with special needs, it is essential that parents attend to their own needs. I have seen Sheetal’s efforts to balance out her passion as a make-up artist and a special mom. And it has actually helped he to become better person. Now she is at budding stage to pursue a career as a freelance make-up artist. The pursuit that keeps her happy is actually the engine for happiness for rest of the family…

P.S. Also visit my blogspot to read more articles on https://shlokabiity.blogspot.com/

 

Sachin Jakhotia, Bavdhan, Pune

I would love to hear your comments and suggestions. Please contact on 8308879900 / shlok.ability@gmail.com

How to PARENT a KID with Difficult Behavior!!!

As a parent of a special child, there are various challenges at different points of time. But the most challenging aspect on daily basis that I struggle with Shlok is handling his difficult behaviors. Most of the times, he is happy and manageable. But there is perhaps an instance or two on daily basis when he turns defiant and difficult for short while say for 15-20 minutes…

Most folks would think-‘kids are kids’ and by the very nature they are bound to exhibit difficult behavior at times. At times Shlok turns defiant and mischievous like any other growing kid; but perhaps the degree and frequency of his misbehavior tends to be more. But the most remarkable attribute of his nature is he does NOT hold anything against anyone and always be kind and sensitive to everyone’s pain around him. I am listing some of the situations/areas where we have a recurring history and he will continue to exhibit in the foreseeable future until we address it in cohesive manner to fade out eventually. Some of these traits may or may not be common to other developmental disabilities.

Wandering or sneak away in crowded places

Spitting to show his resistance to a situation

In case of disagreement, sometimes he would turn physically and verbally aggressive.

Mood swings

Compulsive behaviors to hold car keys or sit in any vehicle of known or unknown individual, wearing wrist-watch even though it is not allowed in his school etc.

A child with a Trisomy 21 diagnosis -- Down syndrome -- often has a variety of health issues that may lead to behavioral problems. As the research by the University of Maryland Medical Center suggested, we have to give due consideration to -

Developmental vs. Chronological age – In Shlok’s case, chronologically he is 10 but having a developmental quotient (DQ) of about 65, his mental developments appears to  be around 6-7 years.

Common behavioral issues of a Down’s syndrome child such as a short attention span, impulsive behavior, slow learning and poor judgment

Communication and Learning - Children with Down syndrome may exhibit speech and language delays. Sometimes such kids may display temper tantrums as they get older, often arising from anger and frustration with difficulty in communicating.

Over the period, I have realized that as parents of special children, we tend to be more instructive, protective and many a times stressed out while dealing with our kids. Child’s bad behavior is an indication that perhaps we first need to introspect on our own mindset and whether we are approaching child’s upbringing in constructive yet fun manner. To me a parent’s role could be perceived as -

Patiently – This is most important quality. Normally mothers are more patient.

Assure – There will lot of situations where kids will doubt themselves. So we must dispel the doubts and try to assure our kids along the way.  

Revitalize – I am suggesting revitalize instead of rehabilitate since that kind of positivity is required whether your child is special or normal.

Envision- We must envision a better tomorrow for our kids and we must genuinely believe into it. (Recently watched a documentary film on Netflix “Crip Camp: A Disability Revolution” focuses on campers who turned themselves into activists for the disability rights movement and fought for accessibility legislation in USA)

Nurture – As the dictionary meaning goes, we need to take care of, protect and develop.  

Train – Being a special individual, there are many obstacles even in routine activities that everyone else takes granted for. So we need to identify and train our kids so as to be prepared to face the challenges of tomorrow.

Out of all these things we have intentions to address all but the first aspect which is patience. Mind you, only patience would not suffice as many a time parents of special children feel helpless and victimized. In Sanskrit there is precise word for it – Titiksha. The closest we can get to Titiksha is Endurance. If we take care of patience then everything else should fall in place eventually!

Over the period, I have developed a thumb rule for myself – 10-20-30!!! In every situation I will offer 10 seconds of patience to my child for every minor misbehavior; 20 minutes once in a day for recurring defiant behavior and 30 days to observe a deeply rooted bad habit. The whole point is we should have a better understanding and accordingly maneuver our path through the woods in focused yet fun manner. Now this is what seems to be working for me. There could be other variations that others may want to try out whether it is 10-10-10 or 20-20-20 or so on or so forth… I would love to hear out what works for you. I can be reached at shlok.ability@gmail.com

Vocational Training for Children with Different Needs – How and When to Start?

It was good eyewash to attend yesterday’s webinar organized by Nayi Disha and presented by Dr. Nina Vaidya, a very apt person for the job! Dr. Vaidya is pediatrician from Navsari(Gujarat) and mom of a special 27 yrs daughter, Palak who she has successfully trained to work in clinical environment !!!

Of course it is difficult journey for a parent to accept his/her child in first few years after the diagnosis. However the real battle begins on how we approach this question of at least partially main-streaming the child with society through various means including meaningful vocational activity. Every parent would unanimously agree on the benefits of vocational training during teenage years. However, Dr. Vaidya pointed the pre-vocational skills is an important area where lot of special parents fall short of.  

Dr. Vaidya shared a comprehensive check-list or pre-vocational skills that every special parent has to pay attention. It includes various aspects of how independent our child is to face the uncertain and maneuver through the dynamic world at large. Some of the key points are – 

• Child’s understanding of private vs public and acceptable vs un-acceptable behavioral norms in society at large

• Ability to comprehend time, modes of measurements and directions, maps & traffic signals.

• Understand importance of money, safety of money and some sense of daily requirements in terms of expenses. 

• Appropriate communication skills to handle situations in workplace and social circles. 

• How to seek help at the time of crisis and to some extent develop understanding about situations that jeopardize personal safety

• Learn to adapt own behavior with the requirements at workplace and also some sense of flexibility and prioritizing in given environment. 

Dr. Vaidya had given one example of her daughter, Palak when she started to work at her clinic between 9 am to 1 pm. Generally, special children tend to be very methodic and tend to be bound to their routines meticulously. As Palak was working as assistant at front desk and cash collections, she would leave exactly at 1 pm regardless of patients waiting at the clinic. Later on Dr. Vaidya had to train her for few weeks for her to understand and develop flexibility. This is a very simple example; but gives a sense of how every smaller aspect needs our attention and patience to work through. 

For developing required sense, vision and resolve she posed few questions that we as special parent need find our own answers and accordingly make a sustainable financial plan. 

• Why do we want to impart vocational training to our child?

• What portion of his/her expected expenses that child could earn on his/her own?

• How to we plan to address the shortfall in the expense. In other words, do we have a financial plan in place? In a way, it is a better question to grapple with instead of worrying about “what happens after us?”

For a special parent all this seems rather daunting. Obviously there are lot of merits to train our kids vocationally whether keeping them involved meaningfully or improving their self esteem & confidence.   But the point is it’s a very gradual process; so we have to commit to it from the get-go. Obviously first 8-10 years would be spent mainly to get the child settled in age and IQ-appropriate educational set up. However as Stephen Covey, the famous author of “7 Habits of Highly Successful People” suggests, one needs to begin with the end in mind. So it would be ideal if parents could devote themselves to develop pre-vocational skills in child as early as 9-10 years of age. We have to involve our kids in various day to day activities, give them lot of exposure to various situations and slowly but surely nurture them to become responsible individual regardless of the types of job skills they could delve into. 

Finally, lot of parents fret about choosing right vocation. Children with developmental disabilities tend to do well with manual and repetitive tasks which require hands-on activities. There could be many potential vocations that would serve well whether it is in hotels, food industry, house-keeping / cleaning industry and so on. One of the key personality traits these individuals exhibit is they like to work diligently with lot of instructions without getting impatient. This makes them suitable to work as assistant or helper in any hands-on activity!

Personally I have visited a factory in Pune area where the owner, Mr. Subhash Chuttar has trained more than 50 special individuals to work in the factory as machine operators and they are working full time making automobile parts for MNC companies like Bosch and that too with zero rejection (Zero PPM). Unbelievable, right!!! All credit goes to Mr. Chuttar and his patience to work through all the hurdles in training them which takes rather long time. He gleams with smile and adds “Once trained, these guys are most dependable and will never put you down”  

One of the very well known special educators in Pune, Mrs. Sunita Lele once pointed out to me that special parents often talk about their right to have work opportunities for special children; but is it NOT our responsibility to make our kids more employable first. We were talking about Lemon Tree hotel in Mumbai employing special adults for house-keeping work. 

Along the same line, Dr. Vaidya suggested that it is ok to keep searching for the vocation our child would enjoy and be interested in. But we should always try to balance out with availability and safety in addition to more practical aspects such as remuneration, distance and working hours. She added, “It’s even more important to create correct mindset and attitude of children so that they become employable and productive citizens of tomorrow no matter how miniscule their contributions seems!!!”

-- Sachin Jakhotia / Bavdhan, Pune

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I would love to hear your comments and suggestions. Please contact on 8308879900 / shlok.ability@gmail.com

A Musical Journey to Acceptance of a Special Child !!!

Just around “Down’s Syndrome Day” last month, I had penned an article about acceptance of a special child. Now that we are in the middle of a nation-wide lock down for last 3 weeks, there is lot of anxiety and restlessness in society at large. When things are rather somber, music and humor or for that matter any form of art could provide us with much needed fresh air and positivity.  With that context, I just thought of compiling a play-list of song that could give a good sense of up and downs that a parent goes through while raising a special child!!!

For any parent it is most devastating while receiving the news about child’s diagnosis and lot of pain strangles our mind with why me? Or why us ? questions. In those days, the songs that I listened most frequently was a song by Jagjit Singh and the lyrics were so close to my heart that later on I listened lot of songs by the lyricist, Nida Fazli 

Jeevan kya hai....
Chalta phirta ek khilona hai
Do aankhon me ek se hasna ek se rona hai

Jo jee chahe woh mil jaaye kab aisa hota hai
Har jeevan jeevan jeene ka samjhouta hota hai

In those early days of shock and denial, lot of sad songs of Kishor Da or Rafi sahib automatically got added to my playlist  

• Yeh Jeevan Hai Is Jeevan Ka Yehi Hai - Yehi Hai Yehi Hai Rungroop Thode Ghum Hain Thodi Khushiyan Yehi Hai Yehi Hai Yehi Hai Chaon Dhoop

• Zindgi Kaisi Hai Paheli Haye, Kabhi Toh Hasaye, Kabhi Yeh Rulaye

• Zindagi ka safar, hai ye kaisa safar… Koi samajha nahin, koi jaana nahin… Hai ye kaisi dagar, chalate hain sab magar …Koi samajha nahin, Koi jaana nahin

• Raahi manava dukh ki chinta kyon sataati hai dukh to apana saathi hai

• Kabhi Khud Pe Kabhi Haalaat Pe Rona Aaya

Unless parents reach an acceptance at deeper level of mind, there is no escape from the spiral of negative emotional. This entire process is not linear and not everyone goes through every stage. At this stage, parents start subscribing to both positive and negative emotions and songs too –

• Chalte Chalte Mere Yeh Geet Yad Rakhna..Kabhi Alvida na kehna

• Aanewala pal, jaanewala hai

• Ruk jaana nahin tu kahin haar ke …Kaanton pe chal ke, milenge saaye bahaar ke…. O raahi, o raahi

• Git gaata hun main, gunagunaata hun main Maine hasane ka waada kiya tha kabhi Isalie ab sada muskuraata hun main

• Zindagi Ki Yehi Reet Hai Har K Baad Hi Jeet Hai ..  Thode Aansu Hain Thodi Hansi Aaj Gam Hai To Kal Hai Kushi

One of the new age songs at this point was – 

• Har ghadi badal rahi hai rup zindagi Chhaanw hai kabhi, kabhi hai dhup zindagi Har pal yahaan ji bhar jiyo Jo hai samaan, kal ho na ho

Finally, when acceptance sinks in, parents are ready to accept the new reality, even though it's not the one they wanted. At this point, emotion remains positive for most part. 

• Thoda hai thode kee jarurat hai …Jindagee phir bhee yaha khubsurat hai

• Main Zindagi Ka Saath Nibhata Chala Gaya …Har Fikar Ko Dhuen Mein Udata Chala Gaya

• Kitne bhi tu kar le sitam, has haske sahenge hum…Yeh pyaar na hoga kam,  Sanam teri kasam

And my most favorite these days has been – 

Aashiyana Mera, Saath Tere Hai Na, Dhundte Teri Gali, Mujhko Ghar Mila

Aabodaana Mera, Haath Tere Hai Na, Dhundte Tera Khuda, Mujhko Rab Mila…

Tu Jo Mila, Lo Ho Gaya Main Kaabil, Tu Jo Mila, Toh Ho Gaya Sab Haasil

Mushkil Sahi, Aasan Hui Manzil, Kyunki Tu Dhadkan …Main Dil…

I am sure when the child grows up, he/she will have own sets of experiences and emotions, the song that will come back and we better be prepared to 

Main Aisa Kyun Hoon ..Main Aisa Kyun Hoon …Main Jaisa Hoon Main Waisa Kyun Hoon

Karna Hai Kya Mujhko Ye Maine Kab Hai Jaana..

Finally, raising a special child is life-long journey and one has to keep things in context. For that matter, I would end this article with one of my most favorite peom from “ Zindgi na Milegee Dobara” – 

Jab jab dard ka badal chaya,  Jab gham ka saya lehraya,

 Jab aasu palko taq aaya,  Jab yeh tanha dil ghabraya,

 Humne dil ko ye samzaya dil aakhir tu kyu rota hai,

 Duniya me yu hi hota hai.

 Yeh jo dard k sannate hai, wakht ne sabko hi bate hai,

 Thoda gham hai sabka kissa,  Thodi dhup hai sab ka hissa,

 Aankh teri bekar hi nam hai,  Har pal ek naya mausam hai,

 Kyu tu aaise pal khota hai,  Dil aakhir tu kyu rota hai. 

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I would love to hear your comments and suggestions. Please contact on 8308879900 / shlok.ability@gmail.com

P.S. I have created playlist of above songs on Gaana.com. Feel free to listen to this playlist. 

https://gaana.com/playlist/sachinjakhotia-amusicaljourneyofraisingspecialchild-k3yjyvn5wr